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We were kissing and I was feeling her bare breasts. She said she wasn't ready to do it with me but she'd play with me. She started and that's when the attack started." So the excitement of having Patti jerking you off brought on the attack", I said."I guess so." he replied sheepishly."Is that as far as you've ever gotten with a girl." I asked."Yeah, the same thing happened last year with Jamie." he added.I knew his asthma was bad, but this was really alarming. I had to know more. "Have you ever had an attack while jerking yourself off?" I asked. "And all guys jerk off, so don't tell me you don't!"He turned red again. "I don't believe I'm telling you this..." he said. "I've never been able to finish before having an attack." You mean you've never been able to ejaculate, you know, cum.", I asked."No. I gave up trying after awhile. I don't try anymore. Now I don't see any reason to ask anyone out either." he added."Bobby, I know it's been hard to talk about this, but now that I know, I. I just keep thinking I want a guy who treats me like Lamar does Donna, or Doug does Rachel, or you do Dani. I know I'm only nineteen. I'll be twenty in November. I know I'm young. But ... Life is so short! Whenever I think of ... Of Lexi ... She was only nineteen. She hadn't found her true love. She was just ... like me." Tears were falling and lovemaking had been forgotten. I held TK and rocked her in my arms.It was so easy to forget. Not to forget what happened, but to forget that I wasn't the only one affected. TK and Amber had seen their friend gunned down in front of them before George and Rich threw them behind the stone monument. Addison's boyfriend was killed while he was holding her. Sam. Dani. Jennifer. Courtney. We'd all been there. For the first time, I realized Debbie and Dorothy must have been close enough to see their sister shot.I'm so fucking selfish.All I thought about was that I should have died instead of them. That I was the survivor. That I was the one who.
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